Open Mind
I've been having a difficult time, for a while now, and it came to a head only a few minutes ago. I briefly considered packing it in and leaving the site, in fact.
Even if I left, I wouldn't have closed with a blog entry saying that no one ever gets better here; I know different. Heck, I'm a living example.
But I was a bit discouraged. And, rather than make vague allusions and have everyone thinking it's them and feeling guilty and just generally not using my words to help them, I decided further not to post about others, today.
Instead I asked myself, "Am _I_ keeping an open mind?"
I have a lot of problems that have been simmering for quite a while now. How to get divorced, how to make ends meet before and after, where to go from there ... And yet, I keep doing the stuff I already know how to do. I refuse to make any changes, out of the certainty, at some level, that I'm bound to make things worse.
Basically, it's not that different from when I was suicidal: I'm convinced, as I was then, that there's only "one way", and I'm already doing it.
My challenge now is re-opening my mind ...
{And yes, this is blog entry #200. Somehow, those milestones have lost some of their luster.}
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