A mental exercise
Imagine yourself walking through the most wonderful place you can imagine, taking in the scenery, enjoying the atmosphere.
Now imagine you're not alone on this journey, but accompanied by a person not entirely unlike yourself.
"Isn't this a pleasant day?" you may ask.
"No, it isn't. And you're an idiot for asking such a blatantly stupid question," your companion remarks.
"But everything is just the way I like it," you may say.
"You don't deserve this. You are worthless," is the companion's only reply.
Now imagine you walk with this person for a very, very long time. The most wonderful place is long since gone, forever tainted by the onslaught of negativity. Your companion is still unrelenting, making sure that everything you say is met with disapproval and ridicule. You find it difficult to enjoy anything and you do not even attempt to try new things.
"I hate you," you say.
"You have no right to hate me, you worthless, lazy idiot. You have no right to anything. Why don't you just stick a knife in your throat?"
But you shrug them off. This doesn't help.
Now imagine you have been walking with them for an even longer period of time. The most wonderful place you could imagine has been replaced by the most terrible place you can imagine. You cannot leave. The companion will never leave you alone.
Imagine that your companion never went away.
This is the voice in my head. This is my eternal nemesis. This is the me who hates myself.
This is my life.
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