Dyscomfort?
Yah, I'd just like to ask what the spelling rule is on dis- versus dys- ... I'm currently going on the assumption that only cool people like doctors and psychiatrists use dys-, so ... ;-)
What's funny (because I recognize that that wasn't) is that, despite me feeling a lot better than, say, two years ago, there's a part of me that seems ... dyssatisfied.
One place I notice it is in my dreams. I don't remember my dreams, normally, so just remembering a little is a change. And what I remember of the imagery, recently, has contained a lot of rebellious themes.
For instance, one dream was of a post-apocalyptic world in which all people who had had sexual intercourse had been killed by some kind of targeted weapon. I identified with a teenaged boy who was helping to organize the youth who remained. But society was run by the few adult virgin survivors who had control of the technology, and the youth were rebelling literally against this tyranny. Only, in real life, it was I who was a forty year old virgin who worked with technology ...
Another place it shows is in my work, which now that the first couple of weeks of the year are past is rising to even greater heights of inactivity. I would really like to be useful, somewhere, but the finances keep me confined to technology jobs, for the moment, and I'm reluctant to make the effort to change jobs.
Anyway, I would like to bring this up in therapy, but I think that I've become caught up in "performing" for my therapist. Or that the part of me that is doing better is the only one that gets a turn ...
So I've decided, in therapy this evening, to try to put my feet up on her couch, and look away from her, towards the wall. Perhaps this younger and more rebellious part will feel able to speak up, if I change the conditions a little.
We'll have to see.
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