Enough
I have had enough.
Enough of hating myself, the demons that live inside me, and trying to fix it and failing and once again behaving like someone I don't even recognize.
Enough of therapy and therapists who alternate between: (1) wanting to pour medication down my throat; and (2) and telling me it will all be OK if I just learn to be kind to myself.
Enough of being told to "work through" my past, which just means digging up old memories of all the ways my parents neglected and abused me and gave me everything anyone could want...except love and not having to be afraid and examples of how to be a decent human being.
Enough of going home every day to a husband who hates me and only talks to me to remind me of what a piece of crap I am and how I have ruined his life.
Enough of putting on the suit and the makeup and the attitude to come to work every day and pretend it's all fine when all I want to do is hide under my desk and cry.
Enough of harming myself when the pain inside gets too bad to handle and then spending the next days and weeks feeling the external pain I caused myself and wondering when I became such a freak.
Enough of posting here because I've got no one to talk to because I dedicated my life to a man who hates me and a job that consumes me.
Just enough, already. I want to be done.
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