Epic Fail
I keep vowing that I'm not going to do this anymore. "This" being: (1) crying and moping about my train wreck of a life, since I'm the one who was steering the train the whole way; (2) obsessing over how to fix things that can't be fixed; and (3) posting about all of it on the internet, thus taking the chance that someone I know sees it and recognizes me by the scraps of personal information that make it through.
But I keep doing this anyway, because it's easier than anything else. Easier than figuring out how to not have a panic attack when my husband lashes out at me. Easier than learning how to not let my emotions get the best of me when I'm hurt. Easier than opening up to people so I don't go whole days without speaking in depth to anyone. Easier than just accepting how things are, and realizing they will never be any different.
I'm paralyzed. I feel like I'm dying, or losing my mind, or both.
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