Perception
Now that we've all had some time to react to Pseudome's 'unmasking', myself included, I thought I would offer some thoughts that may ease the pain somewhat.
Each of us perceive people uniquely. Some of us are more trusting than others and pretty much believe what people tell us until actions or new information tell us to think differently. We don't really know ANYBODY for sure. The risk for deception is bigger on the internet but the risk for serious hurt is also less, as long as one maintains some anonymity. So a plus and a minus. I'd have to say, I generally feel safer here than in the face-to-face world. Even if I feel somebody's 'watching', what damage can they really do? (As long as it's not my ex, and for that reason, I'm careful what I say about that situation and will mostly keep my private details private.)
In the real world, we learn to trust over time and with confirmation (I'm recalling the saying "trust, but verify"). Quite frankly, after 5 months, I have no verifyable proof that my BF has a mother, that he used to go to my university, that his friends are who he says they are, that he has a job, that he has money, or that he's interested in ME as opposed to hoping he can deceive me like the last guy did. For all I know, he's living off the money he ripped off from the last girlfriend. Given my past experience, I keep my distance. I will never allow him to be in a position to hurt me. He can do far, far more damage than anybody here. So that's probably why he's 'not quite a BF'.
If my perception was different, he probably would be a BF. I'm choosing to believe that the above dangers are real possibilities (well, it's not really a choice, I'm just paranoid and at this point, there's not much I can do about it.) I don't necessarily believe them but I don't disbelieve them either.
I wish I could be more trusting, like some of the individuals here. Unfortunately they've got burned in this situation far more than me because of it. But they probably experience more good things than me too. They form deeper connections, feel more a part of this community, feel needed, accepted, special. I feel like an outsider. So it's a trade off. We need to recognize what each of us get out of our interactions here, even if they turn out to be based on a fabrication of somebody's situation. Did we not hear ourselves offer advice that we were half directing at ourself? Did we not feel like maybe for a moment, we had something to offer besides 'nothing'? And do we not know now that we are not alone in our capacity to have the wool pulled over our eyes? That we are not in fact 'complete idiots' (as my own inner critic likes to tell me). We are in good company. As I've said, I'm somewhat of a paranoid person. I envy those here who can trust. Yet even I, with all my paranoia - got hoodwinked.
But at the end of the day, people here can't take your life savings, they can't beat you up, they can't force you to support them, they can't ruin your future and they can't hurt your kids (unless you move from the internet to the face-to-face world). Mostly, it's hurt feelings. Which I admit is crappy - my initial reaction was to write a post "Real People only - others need not apply". But I know full well, that's not going to stop anybody who's fabricating their story. Just think about it - if Pseudome had not unmasked, it would still be our reality. Who is that reality hurting and who may it have actually helped?
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