Needing to reach out, wanting to help others.
I have some things going on that I am struggling with. Feel shy, not sure how my efforts to support others will do so, so have decided to just write my own experience here for anyone to see.
I'll start by sharing my DBT homework response. I feel quite crazy in my thinking, emotional, angry, reactive, but when I put it in words it kinda makes sense.
re: DBT Homework B
...
Sat, April 3, 2010 9:58:55 AM
What information is my (cognitive) filter stopping me from considering?
Have an injury I've been trying to get effective care for, a number of things have been said and written about me that were untrue. At the same time I've watched a friend go through the same channels, with injury far more severe than mine, to a totally ineffective end. I'm frightened, and angry. My view may be affecting my communications about myself and symptoms, and my emotional reactions to situations may be creating obstacles to receiving care. Have been aware of this, but am only who I am and have endeavored to stand up to bullying and misrepresentation not only for myself but the many others I see in similar situations. Am trying to be transparent, wanting nothing hidden to suddenly come up to justify others behavior towards me, and trusting that even though I don't believe it guidance will be appropriate to my situation. Also, am at last fully aware of the impact my mental illness has had on me, and my family, hoping I haven't reached a place where it's all downhill. I am hoping people in the medical community will look at me, and realize that my coping skills are what they are, and please stop judging it as character or values. Am tired of the stigma and go away messages that come with this, be it BPD, PTSD, BIpolar or what.There is a narrow mode people are supposed to fit in to and so many don't. By trying to make them fit, am thinking more about children and learning and expression, they are harming them irreparribly.. , and humans as a whole. Many of our beliefs as a race are self destructive. Children bring fresh insight when allowed self expression. The wounded child within me is healing. Coming out, reactive and frightened, but seeing truths in many places. The biggest being that people give words to trauma, but not having experienced it to a high degree have really no comprehension of what must be overcome to walk societies fine line of social behavior. The depth of my anger towards intimidation is real, and I think justified, however channeled at this point. That we as humans don't have an abiding respect towards one another is I think the biggest ill in our societies. Know it isn't going to change soon, but won't change at all, if we all mum up to the bullies, be they parents, politicians or spouses or caregivers. I recognize at least some of my filters, and know I enter experiences with past similarities, esp recent, looking for validation of my beliefs now. They are there. There are also people doing their best from their own perceptions and filters. And I need more practice seeing opportunity before I see the challenges. Also need to give the same respect I ask for. 'Social skills' after a lifetime of relying on others or hiding because of childhood abuse come hard.
But I am learning, and accepting that I am not perfect. And learning to accept that in others. Sure hope it's beneficial to someone...
_katleen:-)
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